Zombie.

Yah, I will write about being a zombie because it is all I can bring to mind. I've been staring at the computer for 4 hours, reading stupid articles about stupid people. Evil people doing horrible things. And it didn't touch me. Like yah, whatev. My typing skills are suck, my ability to remember anything is suck, my word finding is suck, my motivation to do anything is suck and all of my descriptive words have fled. I am left only with "suck." If this is "better" I would rather be worse. Which is all very well and good to write until I get to the worse and remember that it is even more suck. I think. I can't remember.

I've been having these weird dead feeling impulses to hurt myself. I see a knife and kind of want to cut myself-- not suicidal thoughts, just self-injury. Not much better, I guess. But it isn't driven like it used to be, when I would feel a horrible sense of desperation and just want to cut it out. Now I just kind of want to see what happens. Idle curiosity maybe? Wanting to fucking FEEL something maybe?

God, the man is up and I don't want to be typing around him.

EDIT: I meant that as "I don't want to feel so fucking stupid and lame to always be on this stupid fucking computer." not as if I don't like his being around.