A pig like that.

I help out an old guy with his house-- cleaning, organizing, throwing away things from the fridge that creep around when I look at them, hanging out and chatting with him about weird stuff (lately he's been bringing up Short Circuit a lot). He's 86 and awesome.

Sometimes he tells me jokes. Some of them are just dumb, but now and then he tells me a joke I actually laugh at. Since I hate laughing at jokes-- unless the joke is something horribly morbid-- those jokes usually stick. My favorite is about a pig: 

A man is walking down a country lane and sees a three legged pig in a farmer's yard. He is perplexed about why the pig has only three legs, so stops to speak with the farmer.

Man: "Sir, please tell me about your three legged pig..."

Farmer: "Oh, that pig? That pig is amazing! That pig is so smart, he can count chicken eggs! That pig helps tend the sheep in the fields! That pig is so brave and smart, he woke us all up one time when the house caught afire! Saved the whole family and the house!"

The farmer goes on and on about what an amazing pig he has, the courageous exploits and feats of strength.

Man: "Yes, but why does he have only three legs?"

Farmer: "Oh, well now, you can't eat a great pig like that all at once!"

I'm going to write about things that have nothing to do with how miserable I am, how much I feel like a friggin' zombie robot, and maybe it will all go away. I'll prolly forget and write about what a miserable friggin' zombie robot I am tomorrow, though. Maybe I will write about some of the horrific nightmares I've been having. They're fun.