Gad, when did I last write in this thing? What has there been to say? More of the same, some of the different, on and on. Off that one crazy pill what made me crazier, onto that old standby. Oh Lithium! Oh Lithium! Lovely salt of the ages!
So here I am. Here I am. Here I am. Right here, right now, waiting. Waiting for something to change. I am feeling less like ripping my skin off. More like I am melting into a pool of badness. Wrong thinking, bad thinking, the kind of thinking that makes me drown and wallow. I will combat it! I will kill it! I will MAKE IT STOP! Stop! I command thee! Get thee behind me, for fuck's sake, you evil demon thoughts.
Today I will make it through. Tomorrow I will make it through. The next day I will work. After that there will be some more making it through and one foot in front of the other and no stopping. Maybe I will step aside from the path I tread and find a new way.
Look for the tiny flowers of joy in the miserable muck of dead leaves.
Did you hear? The year is almost done. One more down, how many more to go?
Will there be a time of looking forward, of living for the sake of happiness, not for obligation?
Does it matter?
1 comment:
yes, look for the tiny flowers in the muck.
i love you.
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