I haven't written in awhile, because I was at post #60 and was loathe to make it an odd number again. The sort of thing that trips me up in day to day living.
We're eating Jell-O with whipped topping and watching movies. Perhaps the best way to spend New Year's Eve. This way, I get to be around people I really like to be with (my kids) and don't have to be around a bunch of horkingly stupid drunk people. Of course, if I were to have better self confidence right now (you know, not fat and dreadfully boring), I might have tried to get out and go to a party. It would have taken some extra medication, but I'm starting to at least think about these things. It's been so long, feeling trapped in this house, in the life I had made for myself, that I forgot I used to have a different kind of life.
About the being fat-- I don't want to seem like some snobby bitchface about people that are larger than others. It's part of what's wrong with me, that I hate myself no matter how I look. I have no way of seeing myself objectively, because I live inside a funhouse mirror. I know now, however, that I am very overweight, and it isn't healthy. So when I stop feeling like I am sleeping for a thousand years, I am going to do something about it. One day at a time, yadda yadda.
Right this second, though, I'm going to have more Jell-O.
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