Sometimes...

...I hate human beings so much I want to be able to roar a world destroying roar and kill them all.

So tired. Fucking doctor (nurse practitioner) wouldn't do a simple test I asked for awhile back, which led to my thyroid tanking, leaving me feeling really fucking awful. A lassitude so deep, it feels as if the only way to move is to have a meat hook pushed through my doughy flesh and be dragged along. Doughy flesh thanks to huge amounts of weight gain, which does wonders for my self esteem. Round, gumball face; massive, swaying tits that are constantly sore; giant belly that can't be sucked in. Fuck. The rest is fun, too-- aching joints, sore bones, muddled head, dry itchy skin.

ALL THAT FUCKING BITCH HAD TO DO WAS ORDER ONE TEST AND SEE THAT MY THYROID WAS FUCKED UP, THEN INCREASE MY LEVOTHYROXINE. I'm going to think of a way to say that in a more polite way when I go in on Monday. Maybe simply seeing my list of symptoms will make her listen next time. It's all so stupid. I'm supposed to be the patient, not be educated enough to know the symptoms of hypothyroidism. If I hadn't called again to ask for the test again, I would be continuing to go downhill. Until when? When would she think it was a good time to check my TSH level again? Three months? Six? A year?!

FUCKING HATE HATE MURDER MURDER MUTILATE!

Also, all of the usual shit is still a problem. Nothing fixed, nothing changed, and I'm too much of a coward to do what needs to be done.