Hi David!

My name is . Me llamo . (Do you think I ought to change my last name to sound more Spanish and less like my father is British? Elclimasabeja?)

At any rate, I've had a number of unpleasant events occur in the last few weeks, so am escaping my life and living vicariously through other people's lives on the online. Following link upon link, reading one blog after another-- interspersing this with watching episodes of "Eureka" which allows me to pretend I am a scientist and brilliant-- I finally came to the page on your website entitled "Too cool for school." Reading through your son's quotes, I began to wonder if perhaps you live with us, and your son is one of my four children, and somehow I just hadn't noticed. Because I am reasonably sure I have heard at least these three spoken to me in recent years by my own progeny:

Explaining the Playstation game Grand Theft Auto 4 to his grandmother

"I don't shoot everybody, just the drug dealers and hookers."

2001 A Space Odyssey

"This movie is so boring. I would rather be staring at the wall and holding my breath for two hours."

On cleaning up

"It will just get messy again. I like it like this, it shows we have better things to do than cleaning."

Do you live with us? Did you father one or more of my children? I am pretty sure this did not happen, but it's hard to tell in this day and age.

Oh dear. I just went to "google" your name and have discovered that you are a famous person and maybe you get thousands of e-mail messages every day from women wondering if you fathered their children and you are surely too busy to read this or write back. So don't worry-- if you did NOT father one or more of my children, I will not expect a reply.

If you would like to have a look at the children to make absolutely sure, you could watch this video that has two of the boys in it. Cloaca. THAT WAS A LINK TO A VIDEO BUT I TOOK IT OUT TO DEFEAT THE SPAMBOTS. Oh, or this one, of the youngest (does he look familiar?)-- Googoplex SO WAS THIS. His older brother was interviewing him about his imaginary farm. Which wasn't imaginary, it turns out. We just couldn't get to it because it was really, really far away. Everything was made from candy, so I am a little sad we didn't get there.

It just occurred to me that you might view this as a spammy sort of message, because I guess some people get really gung-ho about their Youtube videos, but it just seems the simplest way for you to see them. Also, I think you will enjoy learning about cloacas. I don't really care about how many "views" my videos get. Unless they are sent to America's Funniest Home Videos and they win the grand prize! That would be a surprise! And nice!

It was fun being your friend, and please let me know if you live with us.

B

PS- if you have an urge to see the videos, please do let me know to to sneak them past the spam guards... or you could search "Farmerboygoogoplex" and "Weird that something that makes you strong comes from" and maybe you will find them. If you want. Good night.


I'm pretty sure I won't hear from him. Oh, and the videos really are funny. If you want to see them, go see Cloaca and Googoplex. The other three kids are equally funny, but these two videos of B are so funny, I like people to see them. B and M really are two boys, even with that long hippie hair. And the couches we have now aren't as ugly, but they are just as covered in laundry.