Dreaming.

Sleeping bathed in love and Light has brought me back to dreaming.


Dream: There are three faces. One turned to the past. One to the sun. One to the future. They are gilded in turn, fully bathed in the Light. Each turns to me as I pass. All around is a deep green and blue endless plain, yellow reeds and grass, black ice. The sky is a color-not-yet-named. The sun a sharp white star with blazing cold rays.


Dream: moving mattresses. Tyler driving the uhaul. Family party. Blue spray paint. Bean/Bill Murray spraying it as he ran, laughing, yelling that it was _____? some kind of toxin? Something to make people sleep. For use on airplane trips. Chasing him around Bill M's house, finally tackled. His face covered in paint. I hit him over the head with the can to subdue him. Bill Murrays mailbox is a big case with a glass front. A large fake spider web made of fishing net and many real spider webs held tiny things. Toy shoes, little houses, a skateboard, a miniature plastic doll with blonde hair, a fire house? Then we were going to move into David and Jasmines house, because they moved for more space and a hot tub. There were only two bedrooms but we had bunkbed, regular bed, trundle. The bed wouldn't collapse and kill everyone. Scamming our way into a hotel. Again. Going feet first up an elevator. Lady at the desk, exasperated to see us, told me I had to wear shoes. Disgusted with my filthy feet, spread with peanut butter. A diversion. Licking my arm to transfer information. Someone reminded me of the party. Also to drop the uhaul. Why didn't Tyler do it? Is he doing drugs with the rest of them now? What a shame.

Long, mostly forgotten interlude. A woman mystery writer. Her son may be a murderer. I'm there to see. He is in his pool. He emerges holding a strange shrimp like creature. I'm afraid of it. This is his work. Breeding new sorts of sea creatures. "Sushi To Go"? Bred without shells. Each one is his child. He loves them all but will send them to slaughter. Yes, he murders. He will kill again.
Driving. At a mall? Outdoor motel? Oh! Retirement home. My husband tells me he will get my medication. A large sign on a bus reminded him. An old man with white hair, old man shirt- Havana?- tongue twisted in his mouth, protruding, returns. Uncoiled his tongue to tell me he needed to go to the bank, my medication was $106 each. I remind him that I have insurance, copays, deductibles, the whole lot. Don't worry about it.

Earlier had been driving too fast. Whizzing around curves on a wooded lane. Told Matt that I should slow down. He tells me it's ok, they didn't have a lesson that morning. Too many turns, on a red clay road. Giant truck coming at me. Began reversing, fast, but so close to the edge. Why won't he stop?! By some miracle, we make it but end up at the bottom of the hill in a field. The way out is so steep. Every path out goes almost straight up. My father tells me I can do it, I'd done it before. I told him I had done it before, but did not want to do it again. Why does it always come to driving backwards fast then taking the steep way out?

We were driving to the party. I was driving the small bus. My friend asked me who the old man is? I say he is my husband, with my luck. He is senile and smells of powder and flaking skin. He holds the bar, swaying, and looks out the window in confusion. There is the ocean. Crashing turquoise waves, yellow sand. So beautiful, shining. Dolphins! Huge dolphins! Swimming parallel to the shore, jumping through the breaking waves. A small whale. A manatee! Almost on shore. There is a flock of seals flying above us. Some open their mouths at me, show me small white teeth. We are almost to the unreal city. Nobody believes I have seen flying seals. Oh, they must be right. Those are birds. Round and shiny black, wide seal mouths, red inside. They line the fences, fill the trees, groom their fur. The city is gleaming, every color, every building solid yet unreal. Every color is bright yet also pure black. The colors we see behind our eyes. The colors in the middle of the universe. The road is steep, and winds downwards.

This too is a death dream.